“Just Get Them Married”: When Early Marriage Is Seen as a Solution

“Instead of their social life getting out of hand, it’s better to just get them married!”

Sentences like this may sound familiar in everyday life. When parents begin to worry about their child’s romantic relationships, marriage is sometimes seen as the safest way out. It is as if by marrying off the child, the issues surrounding adolescent social behavior can be instantly resolved.

In reality, marriage is not a simple decision. There are immense responsibilities to navigate, ranging from mental readiness and economic stability to the ability to build a healthy relationship. These are not qualities one automatically possesses simply by assuming the status of a husband or wife.

As young people still in the process of learning and discovering their identities, such a perspective naturally raises questions. Why is concern over adolescent behavior so often answered with a decision as significant as marriage? Does marriage truly resolve the issue, or does it merely shift the problem into the context of domestic life?

When Marriage Becomes a Shortcut

Undeniably, every parent wants the best for their child. Concerns regarding promiscuity, religious values, and societal perceptions are understandable.

However, the intention to protect a child does not always mean the decision made is the right one.

In many situations, the phrase “to avoid sin” becomes the justification for pushing teenagers into early marriage. The resulting options feel incredibly narrow, as if there are only two possibilities: get married or fall into behavior deemed wrong.

Yet, the issues surrounding adolescent social behavior are far more complex than simply determining when someone should marry.

Teenagers need an understanding of boundaries in relationships, moral education, healthy communication, and guidance from their families. They need to be given space to ask questions, reflect, and understand the consequences of every decision they make.

Especially amidst the development of digital technology, the challenges faced by the younger generation are increasingly diverse. Social media exposes them to various information, lifestyles, and perspectives on romantic relationships.

Many teenagers are still trying to understand themselves while simultaneously facing pressure from their environment.

In such conditions, family communication becomes crucial. Unfortunately, when parents choose to judge rather than listen, children may lose their safe space to share their experiences.

Marrying off a child might be seen as a way to ease family anxieties. However, that decision does not necessarily resolve the actual issues the teenager is facing.

Early Marriage and a Compromised Future

Marriage at a young age is not just a matter of changing status. There are various consequences that can affect a person’s life in the long term.

UNICEF (2023) explains that child marriage is linked to a number of challenges, including interrupted education, limited economic opportunities, and increased vulnerability to various domestic issues.

Imagine a teenager who actually wants to continue their education, pursue their dreams, and develop their potential. However, due to certain circumstances, they must enter into marriage before they are truly ready.

Time that was previously used for learning and identifying personal potential must now be divided with household responsibilities.

In the publication The Power of Education to End Child Marriage (2022), UNICEF highlights the relationship between child marriage, education, and economic opportunity. Education plays a vital role in expanding life choices while helping to reduce the risk of child marriage.

When education is cut short, the opportunity to acquire skills and decent employment can become increasingly limited.

The impact is not always immediately visible. However, in the long run, limited education and economic capacity have the potential to affect an individual’s independence and their family’s well-being.

Another issue that is no less important is mental readiness.

Managing a household requires the ability to regulate emotions, handle disagreements, resolve conflicts, and make joint decisions.

These abilities do not appear automatically after someone gets married. Maturity is a process formed through experience, learning, and the readiness to face responsibilities.

Therefore, marriage should not be viewed as an instant way to make a teenager mature.

Is Marriage Truly Their Desire?

One thing often overlooked in discussions about early marriage is the voice of the teenagers themselves.

When a family decides that their child should marry soon, is the child’s desire truly the primary consideration?

Or is the decision more influenced by parental anxiety, environmental pressure, and the desire to protect the family’s reputation?

This question is important because not all decisions that appear to be agreements are born from the freedom to choose.

There is a possibility that a teenager agrees to marriage out of fear of disappointing their parents. Others may feel they have no other choice due to intense social pressure.

In such situations, consent needs to be examined more closely, particularly whether the decision was made without coercion and with sufficient understanding of the consequences.

Of course, every family has different circumstances. Not all early marriages occur due to pressure, and not all young couples face the same experiences.

However, these varying conditions do not negate the importance of considering the readiness and interests of the person who will be living in the marriage.

In Indonesia, the minimum age for marriage has been established through Law Number 16 of 2019 concerning Amendments to Law Number 1 of 1974 concerning Marriage.

The regulation stipulates that marriage is only permitted if the man and woman have reached the age of 19.

Nevertheless, the law also provides for the possibility of applying for a marriage dispensation through the court for urgent reasons, accompanied by sufficient supporting evidence.

The existence of this rule shows that child marriage is not an issue that can be decided solely based on concerns about social behavior.

There are rights, safety, readiness, and the child’s future that need to be prioritized.

Protecting Morality Does Not Have to Sacrifice the Future

Criticizing the habit of using early marriage as a solution does not mean ignoring religious values or belittling parental concerns.

On the contrary, moral values should be the foundation for guiding the younger generation so they can be responsible for their decisions and behavior.

However, guidance does not always have to take the form of strict prohibitions or decisions that alter the entire direction of a child’s life.

Parents can build more open communication, provide education on reproductive health, introduce boundaries in relationships, and teach social and emotional responsibility.

Teenagers also need to understand the importance of education, economic independence, and the ability to make mature choices.

This type of approach may take longer than simply saying, “Just get them married.”

However, complex problems cannot always be solved through shortcuts.

A child who makes a mistake needs guidance to understand the consequences of their actions and to improve themselves. They should not be immediately directed toward marriage as if it were the only way to resolve the issue.

The same applies when a teenager begins a romantic relationship. This should be an opportunity for the family to discuss boundaries, responsibilities, and the future, rather than automatically becoming a reason to accelerate marriage.

Moral education and family support need to go hand in hand with respect for children’s rights.

In this way, efforts to protect teenagers focus not only on preventing them from making mistakes but also on helping them grow into individuals capable of making responsible decisions.

Don’t Let the Solution Become a New Problem

Marriage is fundamentally a major commitment that requires readiness from various sides. It is not enough to rely solely on feelings, situational pressure, or the hope that all problems will be solved after marriage.

Financial readiness, conflict management skills, emotional maturity, and an understanding of household responsibilities are things that need to be considered seriously.

When these aspects are ignored, a marriage that was initially considered a solution risks creating new problems.

Therefore, society needs to start changing its perspective on adolescent social behavior. Parental concern is natural, but the response to that concern should still consider the child’s needs and future.

Providing education, building a supportive family relationship, and creating space for open communication are steps that are no less important.

We also need to be careful that discussions about early marriage do not turn into judgments against those who have already experienced it. Everyone has a different life journey and set of conditions.

What needs to be criticized is not merely the individuals who marry at a young age, but the perspective that makes marriage an automatic answer to adolescent issues.

Before saying, “Just get them married,” perhaps we need to ask first: is the child truly ready? Do they understand the responsibilities they will face? And most importantly, is the decision made with their future in mind?

Because protecting teenagers is not just about keeping them from making mistakes. Protecting teenagers also means ensuring they have the opportunity to learn, grow, and determine their future with proper guidance.

Do not let the desire to solve one problem quickly result in a child having to bear a much larger burden for the rest of their life.

References

UNICEF. (2023). Child Marriage. UNICEF. https://www.unicef.org/protection/child-marriage

United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF). (2022, September 19). The Power of Education to End Child Marriage. UNICEF Data. https://data.unicef.org/resources/child-marriage-and-education-data-brief/

Republic of Indonesia. (2019). Law of the Republic of Indonesia Number 16 of 2019 concerning Amendments to Law Number 1 of 1974 concerning Marriage. State Gazette of the Republic of Indonesia Year 2019 Number 186. https://peraturan.bpk.go.id/details/122740/uu-no-16-tahun-2019