Dining Alone, Walking Alone: Why Is Solitude Still Seen as Strange?

JurnalPost.com - Have you ever walked into a restaurant, only for the server to ask, "How many, miss/sir?" and you replied, "One," with your voice suddenly dropping? Or have you stood in line at a movie theater, only to hesitate because you felt everyone around you was there in pairs or groups?

I have. And when you think about it, that awkward feeling is quite funny. There is no prohibition, no written rule, yet we still feel like we are doing something wrong. As if eating fried rice alone in the corner of a food stall is an announcement that we have no friends.

Why Do We Feel Watched?

If you trace it, this awkward feeling rarely comes from the gazes of others. More often, that feeling arises from our own minds. We imagine people at the next table are thinking, "Poor thing, always alone."

In reality, they are likely busy with their own food and conversations. There is a psychological term called the spotlight effect, which is the tendency for someone to feel they are being noticed by others far more than is actually happening.

However, that feeling does not just appear out of nowhere. In our culture, eating and going out are synonymous with togetherness. Since childhood, we have been accustomed to eating with family, hanging out with friends, and going on vacations in groups.

The word "gathering" almost always sounds positive, while "being alone" is often considered a sign of a problem.

If someone goes out alone more often, the comments that arise are usually, "Why are you alone? Where are your friends?" Or the more subtle, yet equally piercing, "It's okay, just join us."

The intention might be good, but the implied message is clear: being alone is considered a condition that needs to be rescued.

Social media also plays a role. Our feeds are filled with photos of dining together, traveling together, and birthday celebrations with a table full of friends.

Without realizing it, we start to consider togetherness as the standard for a normal and happy life. Meanwhile, photos of someone eating alone are rarely seen. Even if they are, they are usually accompanied by captions like me time, as if enjoying time alone requires a justification.

Being Alone Is a Useful Practice

On the other hand, there are actually many things we can only feel when doing something alone.

First, we become more independent. We learn to decide for ourselves what we want to eat, what movie to watch, or where to go, without having to adjust our choices to the tastes of others.

It sounds trivial, but small habits like this can train us to be more confident in our own decisions.

Second, we can better enjoy what we are doing. When eating alone, we have the opportunity to truly savor the food served.

When watching a movie alone, we can focus more on following the storyline without being disturbed by whispers or conversations with friends. The same applies when walking around alone. We are free to stop longer at places we like or pass by places that are less interesting, without feeling bad for anyone.

Third, and this is often overlooked, we have the opportunity to get to know ourselves better.

When there is no one else to fill the silence, we have space to listen to our thoughts and understand what we actually want.

Not everyone needs time alone every day. However, almost everyone needs the opportunity to enjoy their private space occasionally.

Being Alone Does Not Mean Being Lonely

Now, this is the part that I think is most important. Being alone and being lonely are two different things.

Loneliness is a feeling when someone feels a lack of connection or emotional closeness with others. That feeling can even arise when someone is in the middle of a crowd.

Perhaps we have sat at an event filled with many people, but still felt empty or not truly connected to anyone.

Conversely, someone can sit alone in a coffee shop for two hours, enjoy the atmosphere in peace, and then go home feeling much better.

So, seeing someone eating alone and immediately concluding that they have no friends is a judgment that is too hasty.

It could be that they have many friends but are currently needing time for themselves. It could also be that their friends are busy, while they choose not to delay their desires just because no one is accompanying them.

Or perhaps they simply enjoy doing things alone. And actually, that is reason enough.

Happiness does not always have to have an audience. We are allowed to enjoy life without having to be accompanied, and that choice does not diminish the value of togetherness at all.

Both can go hand in hand. There is time to gather with others, and there is also time to enjoy life on one's own.

Let's Stop Judging

If you still feel awkward when eating or walking alone, that feeling is natural. Habits and environmental views that have been formed over many years certainly do not change easily.

However, there is no harm in trying little by little.

Occasionally, try going to your favorite dining spot without inviting anyone. Order the food you like, choose a comfortable seat, and enjoy your time alone.

Observe your surroundings. Most likely, others are not thinking much about whether you came alone or with friends. They are also busy enjoying their own lives.

And even if someone notices, that is not something that should make you feel guilty.

Meanwhile, for those of us who are often observers, there is one small habit that also needs to be changed, which is to stop giving comments or pitying looks to people who are alone.

Not everyone who is alone is in need of a friend. Not everyone sitting alone is feeling lonely.

Often, they are just enjoying life in the way that is most comfortable for them.

In the end, we do not always need to be with someone to feel happy. Togetherness is indeed fun, but solitude can also be a valuable experience.

So, next time you see someone enjoying their dinner alone, just let them enjoy their time.

Maybe they are happy. And that happiness does not require anyone's approval.